UNFINISHED BUISNESS
This is something I am in the process of working on for the book (which is still untitled) to give you all a little taste and show all that I have been working. Enjoy!
Checkmate
By John Throne
Act I
Scene I
(Lights Up)
(Dark setting in a park. Three young men dressed in black, smoking, and drinking, playing chess in candlelight. They sit under a small gazebo made from wood, with three metal benches around them.)
Chris: (A 22-year-old male, dressed in black. Bald head and very skinny) CHECKMATE! (Lights up a cigarette with one of the candles) Carl, your turn.
Carl: (A 21-year-old male, tale portly fellow, dressed all in black) Wait, I need to get my brainpower. (Grabs a Zima with a cigar in hand)
Mark: (A 22-year-old husky male dressed in black) Like the brainpower is going to work, you got have a brain first. Besides neither you nor I Carl, can beat Chris at this game.
Chris: That’s because you both suck.
Carl: Mark, I come a lot closer to beating him then you do, you fat git. It takes him ten minutes to beat me, but one blink of the eye and he’s already got your ass kicked.
Chris: CHECKMATE!
Mark: HAHA…..Ok move Sasquatch, I’m next.
Chris: Nope, I’m done.
Carl: ok Mark, I’ll play you.
(Chris lights some fireworks and lets them go as Mark and Carl set up for another game of chess)
Mark: Ok Chris, what’s so bad that you had to drag us here on a Saturday night?
(As Chris goes to grab another Zima he slaps the back of marks head)
Chris: We’re sitting in a park smoking, and drinking on a Saturday night, what do you think we are doing here?1
Mark: Girl Trouble?
Chris: Hey, you’re not as dumb as Carl looks.
Carl: Yeah….hey!
Mark: so what happen this time? Check!
Chris: Well, I found out that sense Sarah left for school she’s been on three dates with three different guys. But it’s ok; one of them she rests assured me that they didn’t go all the way. Which means knowing her they did everything but smoke the cigarette afterwards.
Carl: Shit, what are you going to do? Check!!
Chris: I don’t know. I mean I was only in the relationship for the sex really. What I do know is that I’m not going to even think about now! Then there is Jamie, the blond I met at the bar last weekend.
Mark: oh, you mean the blond Lisa Lobe check.
Carl: Lisa Lobe? Check!
Mark: she looked just like here, swear to god!
Chris: she does not! Anyway, well she’s married and has 2 kids. But she is filling for a divorce. And she wants me to move up to Wisconsin to live with her. I was thinking about going up to Arizona to stay with 7 an 11 Dan. He said he could get me into the art school there. I was thinking about going there for about year or so and then moving to live with her.
Mark: You just met this chick, what do you know about her? Check!
Chris: Ok that’s enough about the damn chess game! ( pushing the game peace’s down) You know that one person that you just know is that person you supposed to search for you whole life until you find them?
Carl: you mean a soulmate?
Chris: Yeah, a soul mate. She’s mine! Besides, she gives great blowjobs!
Carl: If spent my time going back to women that gave good blowjobs, I’d still be in the 5th grade!
Mark: What about you Carl? Anything bothering you?
Carl: Not this time. Just been busy working and planning a wedding! Anything going on with you Mark?
Mark: Well, Stacie is the first girlfriend I have had past the 2 month time period. Don’t get me wrong I love her a with all my heart, and I want to give her the world and spend the rest of my life with her.
Chris: You sound like your really serious about this girl.
Chris: So why don’t you marry her?
Mark: I would but I came to the conclusion that because I don’t have my career job my life is still a work in progress. Plus, I realized that I still have chapters in my life that are still open that I have to close. It’s not like I’m like Carl and Alison.
Chris: Hey yeah, how is Alison doing?
Carl: She’s fine. She misses everyone here, but her classes have been keeping her busy.
Chris: Oh Yeah? What is she majoring in?
Carl: she is still taking…
Mark: Umm hello! Remember me? The one that was telling you about his problem.
Chris: Oh, sorry Mark.
Carl: yeah, we thought you were done.
Mark: Well, I wasn’t.
Chris: Ok, go ahead. You said something about chapters still open. What chapters?
Mark: Just some things that I need to finish that have never been finished.
Carl: Care to share?
Mark: Just some stuff with my artwork. And school. Plus there are just something’s I have to do with some ex-girlfriends.
Chris: What kind of things with ex-girlfriends?
Mark: Well, remember that book I was writing about called, “Open Women On A Table”?
Carl: Yeah. What, you never finished it?
Mark: No. I just feel it’s something I need to do first.
Chris: Wait a minute, I don’t know about this book. With that title, sounds like a book for me. What’s it about?
Mark: It’s about how the women………………………………
Carl: He’s writing a book about the women in his past that has made a difference in his life. It was supposed to be called……..
Mark: Do mind?
Carl: What did I do?
Mark: It’s my story and would like it if you let me tell it, ok?
Carl: Whatever.
Mark: One night I was watching an episode of Sinfeild and it was the one where Kramer was writing a coffee table book about coffee tables. And it made me wonder what makes a coffee table book a coffee table book. Well sense I was going to write about the women in my past and I wanted it to be a coffee table book, and I felt that the title “Me Being Open About The Women In My Past, And Yes This Is A Coffee Table Book” I Thought that was a little to long so I decided to shorten it down to the main words that were needed. And That’s how I came up with “Open Women On A Table”!
Chris: You Have to much free time on your hands. (grabs another Zima) Ok, time to move to a new change of view.
(Lights Out)
Act I
Scene II
(Lights Up)
(All three guys are standing on a different plat form. Chris is on the highest plat form finishing peeing down the slid. Carl is on the plat form right below Chris. And below Carl is Mark. Chris finished and Mark starts to go. The Mark goes back to the lower plat form)
Chris: Ok! Now it’s time to start the new game.
Carl: Wait. I want to do something first. (climbs up to the highest plat form)
Mark: What’s that?
Carl: ok, both of you get down and stand below me! (Chris and Mark Just stand where they are and stair at Carl.) Or don’t!
Chris: What’s this all about?
Carl: One night, out of the clear dark sky Zuse came down from the sky and said, “Mark, I am Zuse and I have seen the bad things here and it sucks. So I have decided to create a super hero. I wanted him to be strong, smart and good looking But I guess I’ll have to settle for you. Pick 4 super hero powers and one weakness and then I shale give you a name. Now chose your powers.
Mark: Ok, my first power would be flying power. Then I would want the power to seduce women with my eyes. And I would want to have my spit fire power so when I spit on someone they blow up. And last but not last…..I want the power to be bullet proof.
Carl: Ok, now you must pick a weakness.
Mark: I want to be lactose intolerant!
Carl: And Zuse said, “So it shale be! You can now fly, seduce women, have spit fire power, and bullet proof. But like all super hero’s you have a weakness, you are lactose intolerant. And I shall Call you “The Seducer”! And your sworn enemy is the “Titty Twister! She can kill if she ever came in contact with you because she uses milk as a weapon.(turns to Chris) Your turn!
Chris: Whatever.
Carl: One night…… ZUSE……….. came down fro……
Chris: Oh, just get on with it.
Carl: Fine, pick your 4 powers.
Chris: Ok, I want to be able to go anywhere in time. To fly. Also to shoot and kill people with my eyes. And to be able to drink and drink non stop with out getting drunk and puking!
(both Carl and Mark start laughing hard)
Carl: Ok, now pick a weakness.
Chris: I also am lactose intolerant!
Carl: Ok, Your name is now bar-fly boy. And you have 2 enimasie, Titty Twister, and Black Coffee! Now, your ok for now but if Twister, and Black Coffee ever meet they will form into one person called Mocha and then you will be no match for Mocha!
Chris: Are you done yet?
Carl: Wait, someone has to do me!
Chris: Ok, your a superhero. You have all the super powers you want. You have all the weaknesses that you can think of. And I am your worst enemy. Now, sit down, shut up, you’ve been demoted to house cat!
Carl: Meao!
Mark: Ok Chris, what’s your game you want to play? (Lighting up another cigarette)
Chris: well, we go in a circle asking questions about relationships, sex and anything related to all that! But there is one thing, your answers can’t go further back then 6 years.
Carl: Sure, why not. Sounds like fun.
Chris: who wants to go first?
Carl: your game, why don’t you start.
Chris: ok. Remember everyone has to answer the questions. Heres a question. How many flings and relationships have you had in the past 6 years all together?
Carl: so Chris what’s your answer?
Chris: The person asking the question answers last.
Carl: I would have to say about 10
Mark: 9 for me.
Chris: I come to 13. Ok Carl, your turn to ask a question
Carl: Out of the number you gave how many were serious?
Mark: you mean serious relationship?
Carl: yeah.
Chris: That’s easy, six.
Mark: 3
Carl: Three, that’s all?
Mark: yeah well most of them were flings, or times I thought I was in love but turned I wasn’t.
Carl: 5 for me. Ok mark, ask your question.
Mark: In the past 6 years how many women have you slept with?
Chris: give me a minute I need time to count.
Carl: Me too.
Mark: Ok.
Carl: I’ve acutely slept with more girls then I have gone out with. 12 girls I have slept with.
Chris: I only slept with 6 girls that I can remember.
Carl: same number as your serious relationships. Now we know what takes to have a serious relationship with you, SEX!
Chris: Not all the serious relationships I had was because of sex. It’s just to me sex is a way to show how much you really love someone.
Carl: how many women have you had sex with, mark?
Mark: Only 4.
Chris: That’s all?
Mark: That’s enough for me.
Chris: Ok, out of All the relationships you had how much money did you spend all together.
Carl: Man, that will take me forever to add up.
Chris: It doesn’t have to be exact. Just give a ballpark figure.
Mark: does that include the relationship we are in now?
Chris: yeah.
Carl: Great now I got to start all over.
Mark: I’m about 2,000.
Carl: anywhere from 23 to 2500.
Chris: I am 2600.
Carl: If you could go back in time and stop yourself from going out with someone who would it be?
Chris: you mean what relationship would you wish never happened?
Carl: yes, and that you could back and change it to where it never did.
Mark: well, mine is easy. I would go back and take out my relationship with Tonya.
Carl: good choice because that was just sick. And Zuse came down and sent you back in time to change your relationship with Tonya.
Chris: I would have to say, Beth.
Carl: And Zuse came down….
Chris: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT ZUSE ALL READY!!!
Carl: I would have to say Victoria.
Mark: If you could change the out come of a relationship, what relationship would you change and what is it that you would do differently?
Carl: isn’t anyone going to some fun sex questions?
Mark: I will, I am just saving those for later.
Chris: What do you mean mark?
Mark: I mean if you didn’t like the way it ended.
Chris: Well I liked the way all mine ended.
Carl: I would have to say I would change the ending of Katherine and told her sooner that I wasn’t in love with her.
Mark: I would change the out come of me and Victoria. Just end it because I wanted to not because my mom didn’t like her.
Chris: Ok, we have all asked out women and have been turned down at one point or another. If you could have sex with one of the women that have turned you down, who would you want it to be and would you?
Carl: Well, for many years I asked out Stacey Winston and she always turned me down. I would have to say I would want it to be her. And if she did ask me and I wasn’t dating anyone right now I would say yes in a heart beat.
Chris: Ok mark, your turn. And remember you can only pick one person.
Mark: Mary silver. And if she asked me and I wasn’t seeing anyone right now I would also say yes.
Chris: WOW! I thought you would say Renee.
Carl: she asked him last summer and he turned her down.
Chris: I didn’t know that.
Mark: Yeah, no big deal.
Chris: I would have to also say Stacey Winston, and yes I would sleep with her even if I was seeing anyone. Ok Carl, you wanted sex questions here is your chance to ask some.
Carl: I can’t think of any.
Chris: Schmuck!
Carl: Ok, I got one. What was the funniest thing you did to try and get a women into bed with you?
Chris: Let me think about that one.
Mark: Well, my freshman year there was this girl that went to bed with all my friends, and all I heard from them was how much of an animal she was. And I tried everything and for some reason she wouldn’t go to bed with me. So, what I did was I was over at a friends house for a party and I brought a raw piece of steak and I put it in the middle of his bed and I told her that I had something for her that when she gets it she will want to sleep with me. She went into the room and saw the steak, she grabbed it and started eating it and then left the room.
(Chris and Carl just pause staring at Mark. The at the same time both burst out laughing)
Chris: that is the funniest thing I ever heard.
Carl: we should start calling you amrial T-bone.
Chris: you know the only thing I did would be to tell the women that I love her when I really didn’t.
Carl: I really don’t have an answer.
Mark: well you guys talk amongst yourselves I’m cold and want to get my jacket. (climes down from the platform and starts to leave)
(Chris and Carl start talking as lights fade out)
Act I
Scene III
(Lights up)
(All three guys light up smokes and make a toast with bottles of zimas in hand)
Carl: ok who’s got the next question?
Chris: Lets give the questions a rest for a while.
Carl: Ok, so what do you want to do then?
Chris: I have something I want to talk to you guys about?
Carl: Yeah, what now?
Chris: You both are engaged to be married. How do you know that you both are in love and with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Carl: I know because always in my life nothing has ever made since except for Alison. Everything in my life could just fall apart right now and it wouldn’t matter to me as long as she’s in my life nothing matters anymore.
Chris: what about you Mark?
Mark: She looked at me with different eyes then everyone else.
Carl: What the hell does that mean?
Mark: When everyone saw me they would always laugh, and make fun of what they saw. She saw the same thing as everyone else, but instead of laughing and making fun she excepted me and gave me a chance when know one else would.
Chris: Well, if you ask me I think you both are nuts for getting married.
Carl: Why do you say that?
Chris: Because it’s true.
Mark: Are you saying that we are nuts because you haven’t found the right person for you, or because your so used to your bachelor life that you don’t want to see yourself any other way?
Chris: I just say it because that how I feel.
Mark: Well, I’m sure that you wont feel that way forever.
Chris: And how do you know that?
Mark: Just look at it this way, if Jerry can find someone and marry them then there is hope for you Chris.
Carl: You know, mark’s got a point.
Chris: Yeah, whatever. So who has the next thing to talk about?
Carl: hey Mark, did Chris and I tell you about the set of movies we are doing?
Mark: Oh you mean the porno’s?
Carl: no you boob. We decided that we are going to do 15 B-movies about aliens landing and how a grandfather, his son the father, and then the fathers son battle and destroy the aliens.
Mark: Sounds Great!!!!
Chris: You really think so?
Mark: No you twit. It’s stupid! It’s the most stupidest thing I have ever heard. It’s even more stupid then the “Rocky Horror Picture Show Christmas Special” you both came up with last year.
Carl: I didn’t think anything could beat the Rocky Horror Christmas Special. That was pretty dumb.
Chris: But you see, that’s the point it’s supposed to be stupid, that’s the fun of it.
Carl: Yeah. We are even going to make fun of all those space movies like ‘Stare Wars”, Star Track, E.T……
Chris: Muppets in Space.
Mark: Ok, what’s the point?
Carl: Well, we want you to be in our movies as the grandfather, that’s if we ever end up doing the movies.
Mark: No problem. It’s not like there is a chance you guys will ever end up doing the movies.
Chris: Someone is coming this way.
Mark: Quick, hide the Zima bottles it could be a cop.
Chris: I didn’t see a cop car.
Mark: Yeah, but no point in taking a chance.
Carl: True.
Mark: Wait a minute, that isn’t cop. It’s Jerry.
Jerry: (A young husky male, in his early 20’s. Wearing blue jeans, and T-shirt and a flannel shirt) Hey you guys.
Carl: What’s up nature boy?
Jerry: Nothing much. I saw Carl’s car parked over there and knew that at least he was here in the park.
Mark: Where were you headed?
Jerry: Over to the coffee shop.
Chris: Want some Zima?
Jerry: I’m driving so I will only take a couple. So what where you guys doing before I came?
Carl: Not much. We were playing this game by asking questions that we normally wouldn’t ask each other.
Chris: Care to play?
Jerry: Well Carla is expecting me at the coffee shop right now, so yeah I can spare a hour or two.
Mark: Seems like you got this marriage life down.
Jerry: Well all jokes aside, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Mark: Got any advise for a couple of guys about to take that leap and a guy who will sooner or later take the leap?
Chris: Don’t include me in that because it’s never going to happen.
Mark: Listen man, we all know that I have always been when it comes to women and relationships. I never had good luck when it comes to either one. Agreed?
Chris: Agreed!
Jerry: Yeah.
Carl: Yeah, you suck!
Checkmate
By John Throne
Act I
Scene I
(Lights Up)
(Dark setting in a park. Three young men dressed in black, smoking, and drinking, playing chess in candlelight. They sit under a small gazebo made from wood, with three metal benches around them.)
Chris: (A 22-year-old male, dressed in black. Bald head and very skinny) CHECKMATE! (Lights up a cigarette with one of the candles) Carl, your turn.
Carl: (A 21-year-old male, tale portly fellow, dressed all in black) Wait, I need to get my brainpower. (Grabs a Zima with a cigar in hand)
Mark: (A 22-year-old husky male dressed in black) Like the brainpower is going to work, you got have a brain first. Besides neither you nor I Carl, can beat Chris at this game.
Chris: That’s because you both suck.
Carl: Mark, I come a lot closer to beating him then you do, you fat git. It takes him ten minutes to beat me, but one blink of the eye and he’s already got your ass kicked.
Chris: CHECKMATE!
Mark: HAHA…..Ok move Sasquatch, I’m next.
Chris: Nope, I’m done.
Carl: ok Mark, I’ll play you.
(Chris lights some fireworks and lets them go as Mark and Carl set up for another game of chess)
Mark: Ok Chris, what’s so bad that you had to drag us here on a Saturday night?
(As Chris goes to grab another Zima he slaps the back of marks head)
Chris: We’re sitting in a park smoking, and drinking on a Saturday night, what do you think we are doing here?1
Mark: Girl Trouble?
Chris: Hey, you’re not as dumb as Carl looks.
Carl: Yeah….hey!
Mark: so what happen this time? Check!
Chris: Well, I found out that sense Sarah left for school she’s been on three dates with three different guys. But it’s ok; one of them she rests assured me that they didn’t go all the way. Which means knowing her they did everything but smoke the cigarette afterwards.
Carl: Shit, what are you going to do? Check!!
Chris: I don’t know. I mean I was only in the relationship for the sex really. What I do know is that I’m not going to even think about now! Then there is Jamie, the blond I met at the bar last weekend.
Mark: oh, you mean the blond Lisa Lobe check.
Carl: Lisa Lobe? Check!
Mark: she looked just like here, swear to god!
Chris: she does not! Anyway, well she’s married and has 2 kids. But she is filling for a divorce. And she wants me to move up to Wisconsin to live with her. I was thinking about going up to Arizona to stay with 7 an 11 Dan. He said he could get me into the art school there. I was thinking about going there for about year or so and then moving to live with her.
Mark: You just met this chick, what do you know about her? Check!
Chris: Ok that’s enough about the damn chess game! ( pushing the game peace’s down) You know that one person that you just know is that person you supposed to search for you whole life until you find them?
Carl: you mean a soulmate?
Chris: Yeah, a soul mate. She’s mine! Besides, she gives great blowjobs!
Carl: If spent my time going back to women that gave good blowjobs, I’d still be in the 5th grade!
Mark: What about you Carl? Anything bothering you?
Carl: Not this time. Just been busy working and planning a wedding! Anything going on with you Mark?
Mark: Well, Stacie is the first girlfriend I have had past the 2 month time period. Don’t get me wrong I love her a with all my heart, and I want to give her the world and spend the rest of my life with her.
Chris: You sound like your really serious about this girl.
Chris: So why don’t you marry her?
Mark: I would but I came to the conclusion that because I don’t have my career job my life is still a work in progress. Plus, I realized that I still have chapters in my life that are still open that I have to close. It’s not like I’m like Carl and Alison.
Chris: Hey yeah, how is Alison doing?
Carl: She’s fine. She misses everyone here, but her classes have been keeping her busy.
Chris: Oh Yeah? What is she majoring in?
Carl: she is still taking…
Mark: Umm hello! Remember me? The one that was telling you about his problem.
Chris: Oh, sorry Mark.
Carl: yeah, we thought you were done.
Mark: Well, I wasn’t.
Chris: Ok, go ahead. You said something about chapters still open. What chapters?
Mark: Just some things that I need to finish that have never been finished.
Carl: Care to share?
Mark: Just some stuff with my artwork. And school. Plus there are just something’s I have to do with some ex-girlfriends.
Chris: What kind of things with ex-girlfriends?
Mark: Well, remember that book I was writing about called, “Open Women On A Table”?
Carl: Yeah. What, you never finished it?
Mark: No. I just feel it’s something I need to do first.
Chris: Wait a minute, I don’t know about this book. With that title, sounds like a book for me. What’s it about?
Mark: It’s about how the women………………………………
Carl: He’s writing a book about the women in his past that has made a difference in his life. It was supposed to be called……..
Mark: Do mind?
Carl: What did I do?
Mark: It’s my story and would like it if you let me tell it, ok?
Carl: Whatever.
Mark: One night I was watching an episode of Sinfeild and it was the one where Kramer was writing a coffee table book about coffee tables. And it made me wonder what makes a coffee table book a coffee table book. Well sense I was going to write about the women in my past and I wanted it to be a coffee table book, and I felt that the title “Me Being Open About The Women In My Past, And Yes This Is A Coffee Table Book” I Thought that was a little to long so I decided to shorten it down to the main words that were needed. And That’s how I came up with “Open Women On A Table”!
Chris: You Have to much free time on your hands. (grabs another Zima) Ok, time to move to a new change of view.
(Lights Out)
Act I
Scene II
(Lights Up)
(All three guys are standing on a different plat form. Chris is on the highest plat form finishing peeing down the slid. Carl is on the plat form right below Chris. And below Carl is Mark. Chris finished and Mark starts to go. The Mark goes back to the lower plat form)
Chris: Ok! Now it’s time to start the new game.
Carl: Wait. I want to do something first. (climbs up to the highest plat form)
Mark: What’s that?
Carl: ok, both of you get down and stand below me! (Chris and Mark Just stand where they are and stair at Carl.) Or don’t!
Chris: What’s this all about?
Carl: One night, out of the clear dark sky Zuse came down from the sky and said, “Mark, I am Zuse and I have seen the bad things here and it sucks. So I have decided to create a super hero. I wanted him to be strong, smart and good looking But I guess I’ll have to settle for you. Pick 4 super hero powers and one weakness and then I shale give you a name. Now chose your powers.
Mark: Ok, my first power would be flying power. Then I would want the power to seduce women with my eyes. And I would want to have my spit fire power so when I spit on someone they blow up. And last but not last…..I want the power to be bullet proof.
Carl: Ok, now you must pick a weakness.
Mark: I want to be lactose intolerant!
Carl: And Zuse said, “So it shale be! You can now fly, seduce women, have spit fire power, and bullet proof. But like all super hero’s you have a weakness, you are lactose intolerant. And I shall Call you “The Seducer”! And your sworn enemy is the “Titty Twister! She can kill if she ever came in contact with you because she uses milk as a weapon.(turns to Chris) Your turn!
Chris: Whatever.
Carl: One night…… ZUSE……….. came down fro……
Chris: Oh, just get on with it.
Carl: Fine, pick your 4 powers.
Chris: Ok, I want to be able to go anywhere in time. To fly. Also to shoot and kill people with my eyes. And to be able to drink and drink non stop with out getting drunk and puking!
(both Carl and Mark start laughing hard)
Carl: Ok, now pick a weakness.
Chris: I also am lactose intolerant!
Carl: Ok, Your name is now bar-fly boy. And you have 2 enimasie, Titty Twister, and Black Coffee! Now, your ok for now but if Twister, and Black Coffee ever meet they will form into one person called Mocha and then you will be no match for Mocha!
Chris: Are you done yet?
Carl: Wait, someone has to do me!
Chris: Ok, your a superhero. You have all the super powers you want. You have all the weaknesses that you can think of. And I am your worst enemy. Now, sit down, shut up, you’ve been demoted to house cat!
Carl: Meao!
Mark: Ok Chris, what’s your game you want to play? (Lighting up another cigarette)
Chris: well, we go in a circle asking questions about relationships, sex and anything related to all that! But there is one thing, your answers can’t go further back then 6 years.
Carl: Sure, why not. Sounds like fun.
Chris: who wants to go first?
Carl: your game, why don’t you start.
Chris: ok. Remember everyone has to answer the questions. Heres a question. How many flings and relationships have you had in the past 6 years all together?
Carl: so Chris what’s your answer?
Chris: The person asking the question answers last.
Carl: I would have to say about 10
Mark: 9 for me.
Chris: I come to 13. Ok Carl, your turn to ask a question
Carl: Out of the number you gave how many were serious?
Mark: you mean serious relationship?
Carl: yeah.
Chris: That’s easy, six.
Mark: 3
Carl: Three, that’s all?
Mark: yeah well most of them were flings, or times I thought I was in love but turned I wasn’t.
Carl: 5 for me. Ok mark, ask your question.
Mark: In the past 6 years how many women have you slept with?
Chris: give me a minute I need time to count.
Carl: Me too.
Mark: Ok.
Carl: I’ve acutely slept with more girls then I have gone out with. 12 girls I have slept with.
Chris: I only slept with 6 girls that I can remember.
Carl: same number as your serious relationships. Now we know what takes to have a serious relationship with you, SEX!
Chris: Not all the serious relationships I had was because of sex. It’s just to me sex is a way to show how much you really love someone.
Carl: how many women have you had sex with, mark?
Mark: Only 4.
Chris: That’s all?
Mark: That’s enough for me.
Chris: Ok, out of All the relationships you had how much money did you spend all together.
Carl: Man, that will take me forever to add up.
Chris: It doesn’t have to be exact. Just give a ballpark figure.
Mark: does that include the relationship we are in now?
Chris: yeah.
Carl: Great now I got to start all over.
Mark: I’m about 2,000.
Carl: anywhere from 23 to 2500.
Chris: I am 2600.
Carl: If you could go back in time and stop yourself from going out with someone who would it be?
Chris: you mean what relationship would you wish never happened?
Carl: yes, and that you could back and change it to where it never did.
Mark: well, mine is easy. I would go back and take out my relationship with Tonya.
Carl: good choice because that was just sick. And Zuse came down and sent you back in time to change your relationship with Tonya.
Chris: I would have to say, Beth.
Carl: And Zuse came down….
Chris: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT ZUSE ALL READY!!!
Carl: I would have to say Victoria.
Mark: If you could change the out come of a relationship, what relationship would you change and what is it that you would do differently?
Carl: isn’t anyone going to some fun sex questions?
Mark: I will, I am just saving those for later.
Chris: What do you mean mark?
Mark: I mean if you didn’t like the way it ended.
Chris: Well I liked the way all mine ended.
Carl: I would have to say I would change the ending of Katherine and told her sooner that I wasn’t in love with her.
Mark: I would change the out come of me and Victoria. Just end it because I wanted to not because my mom didn’t like her.
Chris: Ok, we have all asked out women and have been turned down at one point or another. If you could have sex with one of the women that have turned you down, who would you want it to be and would you?
Carl: Well, for many years I asked out Stacey Winston and she always turned me down. I would have to say I would want it to be her. And if she did ask me and I wasn’t dating anyone right now I would say yes in a heart beat.
Chris: Ok mark, your turn. And remember you can only pick one person.
Mark: Mary silver. And if she asked me and I wasn’t seeing anyone right now I would also say yes.
Chris: WOW! I thought you would say Renee.
Carl: she asked him last summer and he turned her down.
Chris: I didn’t know that.
Mark: Yeah, no big deal.
Chris: I would have to also say Stacey Winston, and yes I would sleep with her even if I was seeing anyone. Ok Carl, you wanted sex questions here is your chance to ask some.
Carl: I can’t think of any.
Chris: Schmuck!
Carl: Ok, I got one. What was the funniest thing you did to try and get a women into bed with you?
Chris: Let me think about that one.
Mark: Well, my freshman year there was this girl that went to bed with all my friends, and all I heard from them was how much of an animal she was. And I tried everything and for some reason she wouldn’t go to bed with me. So, what I did was I was over at a friends house for a party and I brought a raw piece of steak and I put it in the middle of his bed and I told her that I had something for her that when she gets it she will want to sleep with me. She went into the room and saw the steak, she grabbed it and started eating it and then left the room.
(Chris and Carl just pause staring at Mark. The at the same time both burst out laughing)
Chris: that is the funniest thing I ever heard.
Carl: we should start calling you amrial T-bone.
Chris: you know the only thing I did would be to tell the women that I love her when I really didn’t.
Carl: I really don’t have an answer.
Mark: well you guys talk amongst yourselves I’m cold and want to get my jacket. (climes down from the platform and starts to leave)
(Chris and Carl start talking as lights fade out)
Act I
Scene III
(Lights up)
(All three guys light up smokes and make a toast with bottles of zimas in hand)
Carl: ok who’s got the next question?
Chris: Lets give the questions a rest for a while.
Carl: Ok, so what do you want to do then?
Chris: I have something I want to talk to you guys about?
Carl: Yeah, what now?
Chris: You both are engaged to be married. How do you know that you both are in love and with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Carl: I know because always in my life nothing has ever made since except for Alison. Everything in my life could just fall apart right now and it wouldn’t matter to me as long as she’s in my life nothing matters anymore.
Chris: what about you Mark?
Mark: She looked at me with different eyes then everyone else.
Carl: What the hell does that mean?
Mark: When everyone saw me they would always laugh, and make fun of what they saw. She saw the same thing as everyone else, but instead of laughing and making fun she excepted me and gave me a chance when know one else would.
Chris: Well, if you ask me I think you both are nuts for getting married.
Carl: Why do you say that?
Chris: Because it’s true.
Mark: Are you saying that we are nuts because you haven’t found the right person for you, or because your so used to your bachelor life that you don’t want to see yourself any other way?
Chris: I just say it because that how I feel.
Mark: Well, I’m sure that you wont feel that way forever.
Chris: And how do you know that?
Mark: Just look at it this way, if Jerry can find someone and marry them then there is hope for you Chris.
Carl: You know, mark’s got a point.
Chris: Yeah, whatever. So who has the next thing to talk about?
Carl: hey Mark, did Chris and I tell you about the set of movies we are doing?
Mark: Oh you mean the porno’s?
Carl: no you boob. We decided that we are going to do 15 B-movies about aliens landing and how a grandfather, his son the father, and then the fathers son battle and destroy the aliens.
Mark: Sounds Great!!!!
Chris: You really think so?
Mark: No you twit. It’s stupid! It’s the most stupidest thing I have ever heard. It’s even more stupid then the “Rocky Horror Picture Show Christmas Special” you both came up with last year.
Carl: I didn’t think anything could beat the Rocky Horror Christmas Special. That was pretty dumb.
Chris: But you see, that’s the point it’s supposed to be stupid, that’s the fun of it.
Carl: Yeah. We are even going to make fun of all those space movies like ‘Stare Wars”, Star Track, E.T……
Chris: Muppets in Space.
Mark: Ok, what’s the point?
Carl: Well, we want you to be in our movies as the grandfather, that’s if we ever end up doing the movies.
Mark: No problem. It’s not like there is a chance you guys will ever end up doing the movies.
Chris: Someone is coming this way.
Mark: Quick, hide the Zima bottles it could be a cop.
Chris: I didn’t see a cop car.
Mark: Yeah, but no point in taking a chance.
Carl: True.
Mark: Wait a minute, that isn’t cop. It’s Jerry.
Jerry: (A young husky male, in his early 20’s. Wearing blue jeans, and T-shirt and a flannel shirt) Hey you guys.
Carl: What’s up nature boy?
Jerry: Nothing much. I saw Carl’s car parked over there and knew that at least he was here in the park.
Mark: Where were you headed?
Jerry: Over to the coffee shop.
Chris: Want some Zima?
Jerry: I’m driving so I will only take a couple. So what where you guys doing before I came?
Carl: Not much. We were playing this game by asking questions that we normally wouldn’t ask each other.
Chris: Care to play?
Jerry: Well Carla is expecting me at the coffee shop right now, so yeah I can spare a hour or two.
Mark: Seems like you got this marriage life down.
Jerry: Well all jokes aside, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Mark: Got any advise for a couple of guys about to take that leap and a guy who will sooner or later take the leap?
Chris: Don’t include me in that because it’s never going to happen.
Mark: Listen man, we all know that I have always been when it comes to women and relationships. I never had good luck when it comes to either one. Agreed?
Chris: Agreed!
Jerry: Yeah.
Carl: Yeah, you suck!
posted by Remlelation at 10:15 AM
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